The Equation of Romance - a personal blog

The other night I was thinking that the best way to find yourself in a romantic relationship was for the other person to become your best friend -innocently- and then have it grow from there... Well, the scales fell from my eyes long ago - fortunately and unfortunately. And after you know this, you can’t un-know it:

Time + The Opposite Sex = Romantic Feelings.

The more you spend time with a person, the more likely it is that you will have romantic feelings for them. It doesn’t matter if it feels cringey now. It doesn’t matter how much control you think you have over how you will feel. It’s a law of human behavior just as sure as the law of gravity: if you step off a roof, you will fall.

I learned this because of the many relationships I fled from in my youth. I lost a lot of friends. It probably was for the best because I was in no position to be in a successful relationship at that age.

In my naïveté (even though I knew within myself that I was attracted to the person) I just hoped that we could go on having this exclusive friendship without talking about ‘feelings’ at all. But eventually, I ran.

I’ve come to believe that this was a trauma response… at least, that is what I think right now. There isn’t any other way I can explain the extreme panic. We would admit to having feelings for each other, and they of course would have no reason to think the relationship wouldn’t continue. Then I would call them the next day and say that I couldn’t do it. Also, I suddenly felt nothing for them. I can’t figure out where that comes from.

After that, thinking that we could go back to being “just friends” would be to delude ourselves. I lost every friend that I ever had feelings for… This went on until I broke my heart worse than I ever had.

In short: when I was 22 I met someone. I decided that I was going to try to push through my fears for the first time. I made a conscious effort not to numb out on them and fight the panic. The fight went on for a year or 2 and then I lost.

After breaking my heart, I decided I would no longer play this game of pretending I could be someone’s best friend without having feelings for them. I have males who I consider to be good friends but who I only communicate with once in a blue moon.

I think I was ahead of my friends in this reasoning.

I am about to turn 32. Talking to them recently I realize that they have become more careful about communicating with the opposite sex too.

And now I feel… robbed in a way I think.

Now that I’ve made myself into the best woman that I could be, innocent friendship and romance are no longer here for me.

That’s the price you pay for taking the time to become a well-adjusted woman. I now know my own mind better than I ever have and have done a lot of work on myself psychologically and otherwise.

What does this have to do with the farm?

Nothing I guess… unless we’re making the connection between flowers and romance XD But the farm has to do with me - and this was about me ;)

What have you seen with regard to this in your own history?

Hope your gardens are flourishing! Don’t forget to follow and share with me on FB or IG @lovelyrainflowerfarmmd. See you next week!

Toodles!

Kerri